ASK THE COACH
• • • • • • • • • • • •
Balancing Career and Family
By Dr. Ray Angelini
The Saratogian
March 21, 2002
Dear Dr. Ray,
This last year has been extremely successful, but also extremely demanding in terms of time away from my family. I want to do things differently this year, but am torn between my commitment to my career and my commitment to my family. How would you recommend I handle this situation?
— D.M. in Wilton
Dear D.M.,
What you really need to do is to determine what really matters in your life. In my experience, it is not the career accomplishments that usually matter most, but rather the quality of our relationship with those we love.
It is very easy to take our intimate relationships for granted, and as we get caught up in our busy lives, it is usually those closest to us who pay the biggest price. When work responsibilities become too demanding, it is common for us to take the path of least resistance and make excuses to those we love in the hope that they will understand. They usually do, for a while, but when this becomes the rule rather than the exception, trouble is likely to follow.
If you choose to make your relationships your highest priority, it will have to involve making different choices when it comes to your career. It might mean saying no to your boss when she asks you to work late so that you can have dinner with your family, or it may mean passing up a promotion in order to avoid relocating your family. When you choose to make your relationships a priority, you usually realize that the rewards outweigh the sacrifices. Our careers are certainly important, but the satisfaction we derive from that is not likely to satisfy you in the same way as your connection with your loved ones.
Of course, many choose to make their career a priority. This too is a valid choice, but as with any other choice it has consequences. I strongly recommend you make this choice with as much awareness as possible.
Too often, people make the choice to put career first, thinking that their family will be waiting for them when they retire. Sadly, this is usually not the case. As I have said before, I believe it is far wiser to have your career support your lifestyle rather than have your lifestyle support your career.
In the end, it comes down to a matter of priorities. Each of us has to make our own choices as to what and who is most important to us. I believe that success involves having our investment of time and energy be congruent with our values. When this is the case, contentment and fulfillment will invariably follow. When it does not, unhappiness and frustration will abound.
So, reconsider your priorities now and determine for yourself what success really means to you. Once you are clear on this, then live out your view of success each day, and watch what happens!
