ASK THE COACH
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Showing a Spiritual Path by Example
By Dr. Ray Angelini
The Saratogian
April 27, 2004
Dear Dr. Ray,
I am a very spiritual person, but my husband, unfortunately, is not. I have been trying for years to help him see the value of following a spiritual path, but I have been mostly unsuccessful in my efforts. What would you recommend to help my husband see the value of spirituality?
— B.T. in Malta
Dear B.T.,
I firmly believe that we are all born with a belief in a power greater than ourselves. It may not have a name or a face, and we may not even refer to it as God, but it is present nonetheless. There are many spiritual paths, but I have found that the path to spirituality must be one of attraction rather than coercion.
Some of us are atheists, others agnostics. These individuals will argue, much as did Karl Marx, that religion and spirituality are an "opiate of the people." They will offer rational explanations regarding nature and creation, and will offer up the evil and injustice in the world as proof that God does not exist.
I am not sure whether your husband falls into this category or not, but if he does, argument and debate will be futile. Chuang Tsu, the ancient Chinese philosopher said it quite well, "A frog in a well cannot be talked to about the sea."
If you are to have any success in having your husband pursue a spiritual path, you must attract him through your example. If your husband sees that you are gaining something positive and valuable from following your spiritual path, he is much more likely to follow along. Think about what initially called you to your own spiritual journey.
Often, it is tragedy and suffering that start us out on our spiritual journey. When we are hurting, we often yearn for fundamental spiritual truths to comfort us. Perhaps your husband has not encountered much suffering in his life, or perhaps he has encountered a great deal.
Whichever is the case, share with him about those things that engage your own spirit. It is unlikely that your husband will be drawn to following a spiritual path unless he sees that you are growing and benefiting from your own spiritual journey.
If you are steadfast in your own spiritual practice, your spiritual understanding and growth will undoubtedly deepen, and this is likely to have a positive impact not only on your husband, but on everyone you come into contact with.
So be patient with your husband. Remember that truth, whether spiritual, cultural, or political, is a very individualistic thing. It comes to different people in different ways, and often at very different times. Have faith in the pursuit of your own path, and don't give up hope in your husband's search for the sea.
