ASK THE COACH
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The Twelve Pillars of Success
By Dr. Ray Angelini
The Saratogian
May 26, 2004
Dear Dr. Ray,
My daughter will be graduating high school next month and I was hoping you could share some of your thoughts regarding success. You wrote a column awhile back on the "Pillars of Success," and I would like to share these with her. Could you please repeat them?
— R.C. in Saratoga
Dear R.C.,
It is always a privilege and honor to provide words of hope and inspiration at this special time. I hope that your daughter can apply and utilize them to have a truly successful and fulfilling life. Congratulations!
The Twelve Pillars of Success
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Be honest.
I strongly believe that lying is one of the major sources of human suffering. Lying wears us out and eventually kills us both physically and spiritually. Commit to be honest in all your interactions, and watch what happens. As a wise man once said, "Honesty is not something to be flirted with, we must be married to it."
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Be fearless.
Fear enslaves us. It prevents us from living life fully, and robs us of our peace and serenity. Dare to face and overcome your fears, for it is only then that you will have a truly fulfilling and rewarding life.
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Be generous.
What we withhold from others, we ultimately deny ourselves. What we give, we will receive. No person is truly successful until they have learned to be a cheerful giver.
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Rejoice in the successes of others.
We are all interdependent. When others succeed, it advances the entire human race forward, and we benefit as a result. There is plenty of success to go around, but jealousy and resentment regarding others success will not attract prosperity to yourself. Rejoicing in others triumphs serves to sow the seeds of your own success.
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Have a strong spiritual foundation.
An important ingredient of well-being and success is having a sense of meaning and purpose. A loss of meaning results in depression, and I believe that it is a fundamental human need to be attached to something larger than ourselves. It is only by going beyond ourselves that we truly find ourselves.
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Be responsible.
We have become a society of blamers. In the final analysis, we are ultimately responsible for our thoughts and actions. True freedom and self-awareness are impossible without responsibility. Blaming enslaves us and puts us out of contact with reality. Responsibility frees us and helps direct us to the truth about ourselves and others.
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Be self-disciplined.
Self-discipline is about having the inner resolve and commitment to keep the promises you make to yourself and others. It requires that we recognize and respect both our talents and our limitations. H. Jackson Brown said it well: "Talent without discipline is like an octopus on roller skates; you never know if it is going forward, backward, or sideways."
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Be aware.
We are truly an "unconscious" society. We are obsessively busy, and this prevents us from becoming truly aware of our thoughts and feelings, which are the vital undercurrents that energize our life. Coming to consciousness is always painful, but remaining unconscious is infinitely more painful.
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Seek to find good in everyone and everything.
When it comes to human perception, it is absolutely true that we ultimately find what we are seeking. Our society is geared toward finding what is wrong. True happiness and success depends on looking for and finding what is good and right in everyone and everything. Remember, we will always find what we are looking for.
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Be persistent.
Those who are truly successful are not those who have never failed, but rather those who have persisted through many failures before reaching success. General George Patton said it well: "I don't measure a man's success by how high he climbs, but how he bounces when he hits bottom."
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Have an attitude of gratitude.
Having gratitude, like being happy, is a choice. It is all matter of what we choose to focus on. What we think about and focus on expands. Gratitude does not involve denying the negative, but rather embracing and rejoicing in what is good.
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Love intensely.
Love is the greatest force in the universe. It is God in action in our lives. Love is the foundation of the other eleven pillars. Without it, the building of success and happiness will collapse. Dare to bring love into the most difficult situations in your life, and then watch the wondrous expansion and great things that will occur.
