ASK THE COACH
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Stuck at the Crossroads
By Dr. Ray Angelini
The Saratogian
June 21, 2005
Dear Dr. Ray,
I am currently at a crossroads in my life and career and am facing some major changes. While I know these changes are necessary, I am experiencing strong resistance to making them. What would you recommend in terms of helping me overcome my resistance to these changes?
— Stuck in Stillwater
Dear Stuck,
Resistance to change is normal and can even be beneficial. Someone once said that the only change people like is the kind that jingles in their pockets. There are many reasons why people fear change, including fear of the unknown, fear of failure or fear of loss. Resistance emerges when there is a perceived threat to something we value. This perceived threat could be to a belief system, a situation or even to an entire way of life.
I experienced this when I was making the transition from psychologist to personal coach. Having been trained in a relatively established field like psychology, I resisted many of the new ideas and approaches that coaching was challenging me with. My initial instincts told me to stick to what I knew and resist these new ideas. However, my inner voice told me that these changes were necessary for my continued personal and career growth.
One area that I had particularly strong resistance around was how to go about marketing my coaching practice. I had built a successful therapy practice, and I figured that I could build a successful coaching practice using the same methods. I was in for a rude awakening. I found that to successfully market my coaching practice, I had to implement an entirely new approach, one that forced me out of my comfort zone in a major way. While this was and often continues to be a difficult process, confronting my resistance and gradually overcoming it was one of the best things I've done both personally and professionally.
The key to overcoming my resistance was examining and ultimately confronting the self-defeating beliefs that I had regarding change. I had to honestly and directly face my fears of failure and possibly looking foolish and being perceived in a negative light. Once I was able to confront these fears, I was better able to overcome my resistance to change and see how the potential rewards exceeded the perceived risk. Once this occurred, things began to flow more smoothly, and I was able to make the transition form psychologist to coach with greater ease and have a lot more fun.
So my advice to you is to examine the beliefs underlying your resistance. Once you identify them, honestly confront them and ask yourself if your fears are justified. Someone once broke down fear into an acronym — False Evidence Appearing as Real. Dare to confront the false evidence underlying your fears, and your resistance will soon melt away. You'll be glad you did.
