ASK THE COACH
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Stuck at the Crossroads
By Dr. Ray Angelini
The Saratogian
July 5, 2005
Dear Dr. Ray,
I have been having increasing difficulty with the "culture of condemnation" that is constantly promoted by the media. There seems to be a "guilty until proven innocent" mentality that is pervasive in the media's treatment of celebrities and this has become harder and harder to take. What would you recommend to better cope and perhaps even counteract this problem?
— J.S. in Ballston Lake
Dear J.S.,
We do indeed live in a "culture of condemnation," and in this environment, forgiveness has never been more difficult. Most of what passes for news today could be more appropriately deemed gossip. The media seems to thrive on stories that highlight others' failures, and the public seems to have an almost insatiable appetite for vicariously enjoying the judgments imposed on the so-called "guilty" parties.
Each day, the New York Times highlights its mission statement in its masthead, "All the news that's fit to print." This implies that there is some news that is unfit to print yet rarely, if ever, does this take place in our media-saturated society. Someone recently characterized our era as "a time when everything is permitted and nothing is forgiven."
I believe that this trend can and needs to be reversed. First, we must examine our own complicity in this trend. The media would not continue to publish these stories unless there was a market for them. We have become a voyeuristic society, one that has become fascinated by peering into the private lives of our celebrities. This trend needs to be reversed if there is to be any hope in transforming our "culture of condemnation."
What is needed to transform our culture is for each of us to own our own projections. A projection is a thought, feeling or desire that we tend to want to place or project onto someone or something else.
In order to forgive others, we must first learn how to forgive ourselves. Forgiveness implies releasing someone from judgment, and we first have to release ourselves before we can release anyone else.
We all face challenges and make mistakes. The more we can release ourselves from judgment regarding theses mistakes and failures, the easier it will be to release others. It is through this release of judgment that we begin the process of forgiveness and healing for ourselves, others, and ultimately, our whole society.
So strive to be forgiving, as it is the best antidote that I know for our "culture of condemnation."
