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Our Children and Our Values
By Dr. Ray Angelini
The Saratogian
June 20, 2006
As a father of four, I am constantly challenged as to how to raise our children with solid moral and spiritual values. The best advice I have ever heard regarding child rearing came form the late Dr. Leo Buscaglia. He said, "You be what you want your children to be, then watch them grow!" This is unquestionably a daunting task, but as you probably know, children learn, and often model much more of what we do, rather than what we say.
So the challenge as a parent is to model the behavior you wish your children to display. Children will detect hypocrisy almost immediately, so be sure that you do not ask anything of them that you are not doing yourself. If you want your children to be moral and spiritual people, be one yourself. Your modeling of morality and spirituality is the best tool that you have in influencing your children in a similar direction.
It is also helpful, where age-appropriate, to explain to your children the benefits of behaving in a spiritual manner. So many of the messages they receive through the media and other sources tout the seeming benefit from immoral and unspiritual behavior. Helping children understand how they and others will benefit form moral and spiritual behavior is an important factor in convincing them to behave in this manner. In helping our children develop moral and spiritual values, we are unfortunately often pushing them to be counter-cultural. Therefore, as in any uphill battle, support, encouragement, a sense of humor, and a sense of intrinsic motivation are critical to success.
I'd like to conclude with some wise words on parenting by Kahlil Gibran from his book, The Prophet.
Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself. They come through you, but not from you. And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love, but not your thoughts, for they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with his might that his arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness: for even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves the bow that is stable.
